Oh, man I'm having the most massive brain-drain week. It's like it's rebooting itself, without telling the rest of me. I think it's partially the result of everything in life kind of coming together. I mean I've had some hills to climb. I'll tell you about it when it's safe to come out of my bunker, but for now I'll just focus on all the good news, digest the bad, and address it when my words meet my thoughts.
Not only did my little blog hit the big time with Brit+co wanting me to contribute beauty recipes.
Get that dirt off your shoulder.
But I also won those free piano lessons. Then late last night I got the news that I am the lucky recipient of the Wild Spirit Retreat scholarship. Go there, watch the video, if you're not moved, then I don't even know, may you've got the brain-drain too.
I'm excited to meet up with other bloggers, and yogis, and people who spend way too much time thinking about their solar plexus, and just fall asleep in the forest. I'll tell you guys all about it when I get home. All about it.
Oh, it's another Whole Foods sponsored event, like the one I went to at OHM, so I'm pretty stoked and really hoping I'll get another huge goodie bag and get all spoiled with goodies that I can unwrap with the dirt under my fingernails. I'm all warm and fuzzy inside just at the thought of it.
What I really, really want to say is when you are struggling people love to point fingers and think, "Look at that silly girl, climbing mountains, wasting degrees, and just making everything so hard on herself." But, aside from piano lessons, I don't think I would've gotten any of these opportunities if I weren't willing to expose my soft underbelly. That is to say, be vulnerable. Drop everything I'm not passionate about and say, "I'm not passionate about that. I don't want to do it anymore."
It's scary, as staring down fear and failure and ehem bankruptcy (anyone?) usually is. I mean you're in uncharted territory and no one wants to wade the waters with you. Why should they? You're acting sort of crazy. Going after your dreams? Who do you think you are?
But see as Audrey knows, the only thing that matters is being happy. It keeps us motivated, or at least the promise of someday being happy does. I've been really lucky as of late, but I think I've kind of hit the proverbial tipping point. One of my favorite books is The Tao of Willie, as in Willie Nelson. He says,
"We create our own unhappiness. The purpose of suffering is to help us understand we are the ones who cause it."
It's true, you just have to find your tipping point, let go of negative shit and let some new light in. And a big part of that is going into the deep end of fear and failure, and bob up hungry, cold, and shaking and realize, you're still here. All those unfortunate things happened, but you lived through it. It was ugly, cold, and you flat out didn't like it, but here you are, in all your glory, bragging about your successes, and making yourself happy.
I don't know if it's fully necessary to go into the deep unknown, but we seem to always do it anyways.
“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.” - Paulo Coelho
So, think on that and if no one else wants you to follow your dreams. Remember a little yogini in California, who totally thinks you should. Like, fer sure.
Oh, get this, there's another catch, once you finally scale that hill and reach your destination, everyone will be pissed about that, too. But it won't make a lick of difference because you'll be as happy as Willie Nelson and as enlightened by your experiences as Paulo Coelho, maybe even as pretty, sweet, and encouraging as Audrey Hepburn. Go, make yourself happy.